Why is being focused important?

That’s the question we have to answer if we want our distracted inner toddler to grow up and not spend all day jumping from one entertainment to the next.

I said this week we’d explore the deeper, harder route to focusing when you have your internet browser open. This is the route of actually changing your values – the ones you have, the ones that determine what you do; not the ones that you say or wish you had.

The first step is asking the question: why is that action important? Yes, you feel it in your gut. But what’s the objectively important value there? Think it out. If you’re not clear on the “why,” you won’t have the power to make it happen.

Let’s think this one out together. What’s the objective value in not jumping when the distractive urge says “jump”?

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Last post, we discussed how our inner child breaks loose when faced with the potential for new and exciting stimulation every ten seconds (otherwise known as working on a computer with an internet browser open).

How do I grow up?

As I warned last time, I don’t think there are any easy answers. So if you want to be able to solve this headache with the ease of popping an Advil, close this tab now. Sorry for the bad news.

There is the “easier” answer, which is avoiding the problem without solving it.

Then there is the “harder” answer, which is actually solving the problem.

Let’s talk about the easier one first.

Don’t tempt yourself.

If you know you don’t like the way you behave whenever you end up in a certain situation – do your utmost to stay clear of that situation.

• If you don’t want to be tempted to check your email whenever you see an Outlook alert, or the email count go up in the browser tab – disable alerts, and CLOSE THAT TAB! That’s not the only tab you should close. Close anything you’re not using.
• Sign yourself out on chat.
• Do everything you can offline. Write your blog posts in a word processor and then transfer them.
• Start with the tasks you want to concentrate on. Write that blog post or that proposal before you start doing email triage and dealing with blog comments. Only then open your browser.

That will solve some of the “behavior issues.” You might feel less like a preschooler.

But are you any less of a preschooler? Or did you just give the preschooler only one or two toys, so of course it looks like she’s less distracted?

So how do you help the two year old mature – so that even if you gave her ten toys she would sit and play with one for a long time?

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When my daughter was entering her first year, I read a book on child development in one-year-olds. One of the things that stands out in my memory (because it worked and continues to do so) is how the secret weapon in dealing with toddlers is -

Distractibility.

Your toddler’s decided she’s intent on making it impossible for you to change her diaper? Instead of “No, no, stop it, ” try: “Let’s count your toes! One, two, three, four  - can you touch your toes? Do your toes come off? No? They’re stuck?  Oh, good…” And by that time her diaper is on.

Most memorable in the book was a diagram of “Seven Clocked Minutes of Nursery School Behavior at Different Ages.” (In a room with eight play stations; the lines indicate the movement of the child.)  The 4 year old diagram looked like this:

The 2 and 1/2 year old diagram looked like this:

The 18 month old diagram looked like this:

Can you say: short attention span?

The good news is that you can see from the diagrams that as we grow older, we get better at focusing.

The bad news is that the internet can turn us back into two year olds instantaneously.

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